Don't Spamalot...Or Even A Little!!!

We all know what SPAM is...unsolicited e-mail that clogs your inbox. But as with beauty, the definition of SPAM may well be in the eyes of the beholder. Or the SPAMMER.

After receiving yet another piece of shi... I mean SPAM from someone who friended me on LinkedIn for the express purpose of SPAMMING, I wrote this little article for consumption on that site:

A follow up from last year's SPAM post. DO NOT USE LinkedIn to SPAM other members. I've made the mistake of accepting contact requests, and my new "friend" proceeds to bombard me with messages and emails about their "wonderful new product/software/service/doodad/widget that I would really be interested in and would appreciate the time to contact you or whoever in your organization makes such decisions so I can share this wonderful new development...." Sound familiar?

To all you salespeople out there...DON'T MAKE THIS MISTAKE AGAIN! Cold calls, unsolicited emails, etc., etc., accomplish nothing more than pissing people off. NOTHING. We will not be buying your incredible product, but we WILL be reporting you to your boss, your ISP, LinkedIn, Facebook, or wherever your unwanted communication came from. I have never, ever made a purchase based on a cold-call or cold email, and I NEVER will.

I suspect I speak for quite a few of us out there who have been the targets of your unwanted missives. Find a different approach. Or a different business.

Needless to say, a couple of salespeople were not amused. I'll keep their names and companies private, but these were quite available on LinkedIn...

A gentleman based in a subcontinent on a different side of the world asked this in response:

Then how do you want a sales guy to approach what is your thought for a sales guy.

To which I responded...

I was waiting on someone to ask that. You MIGHT find someone who appreciates cold emails. I don't, and I don't know anyone who does. Getting one of these unsolicited emails guarantees that I will NEVER look at what you have. There is almost always a dead giveaway wherein your colleagues ask that I "forward this to the person in my organization who would be interested/in charge." That will NEVER, EVER happen. And getting names from a list you purchased is one sure way to alienate me forever. DON'T DO IT!!!! Frankly, I and just about everyone I know do NOT want any unsolicited email from sales people at all. EVER. IF your company has the next best thing, have your CEO or CTO contact me. BUT NO SALES PEOPLE. Your colleagues have done a very good job of burning that bridge.

A Sales Manager for a small IT company then wrote a rather scathing response, augmented by the fact that he once worked for a company I befriended. No names. He went off on a bit of a tear, agreeing that perhaps LinkedIn shouldn't be used for SPAMMING, but then expressed his great distress (perhaps not quite as nicely as I did) that I was casting salespeople as deplorables and trying to take food from the mouths of the salespeople's children. Just call me Dr. Scrooge, I guess. Mr. Manager went on to suggest, from knowledge acquired in his prior life, that I had had problems with ER docs listening to me which was somehow supposed to be analogous to receiving cold sales-calls. The other gentleman from overseas joined in, saying that, "customers are mean."

You can guess how well that went over with me...

Mr. Sales Manager, you might seriously want to remove that comment. Your seniors at (your company) as well as all of your LinkedIn contacts just saw your rant and your less-than savory approach to a friend of a place you used to work. Rather bad form. Same for Mr. Overseas. It's a really bad idea to call customers "mean". Your analogy is faulty, by the way. I have a relationship with the ER docs. Completely separate issue. I have NO relationship with Mr. Overseas and all the others (often from overseas, btw) who get my name off a list of emails they bought from some unsavory operation and proceed to send a barrage of unsolicited emails. It is the salespeople who participate in these bottom-feeder behaviors that have spoiled things for the rest of you. Try policing your own before getting angry and biting the hand that might feed you.

Mr. Manager yanked his post, for which I congratulated him, but even then, he doubled down...

And I think you should delete yours as well as it is still offensive.

My final answer:

You might want to actually address my complaint about sales people rather than digging in your heels and creating an even deeper hole to climb out of. No, I will not be removing this comment. Perhaps you need to read it again.

And there it stands until someone else jumps in.

I really don't like conversations of this sort, but I won't shy away from them. I absolutely, positively WILL NOT respond to a cold-call or a cold SPAM e-mail. I view this as intrusive, as a sign of desperation by the sales people involved, which tells me automatically that their product is of considerably less stature than their rosy, scintillating prose would have me believe. I cannot believe any sales person actually thinks cold-calls of this sort will actually generate any business.

Maybe there's another approach. Let's create a website for these companies to show their wares. Then those who are interested could check in periodically to see what's new in some particular category. And communications could progress from there. We could call the site NewShit.com or maybe PreSPAM.com. Just don't send me any SPAM to advertise it!

Let me throw the question out to the audience...How do YOU feel about SPAM and cold-calls from salespeople who have found your name on some list they purchased for $.02 per click? Do you appreciate the warm, human contact? Or would you rather they leave you the heck alone? I don't think I have to tell you how I feel, but maybe I'm just a cantankerous old fool whom time and technology have passed by... So please do comment and share your opinion. Will it be "Sale of the Century", or "Death of a Salesman"? Salesforce.com wants to know!