The X-Ray Man

It’s 2 AM on a Saturday
The regular crowd is all here
There’s an old man yelling out at me
With dementia he’s had for three years

He says, “Doc will you give me an enema?
You know where the barium goes
I got cramps and the trots
Which I didn’t have lots
When I had a younger man’s hose…”

Oh La La La De De Da
La La, De De Da Da Dum

Read us a film, You’re the X-Ray Man
Read us our film TONIGHT
‘Cause we’re all in the mood for a malady
And CT will make us alright

Now John down in Nukes is a friend of mine
He tries not to wake me ‘till 3
And he’s quick with his V/Q
And then he won’t seek you
Till the ER just won’t let him be
He says, “Doc, they just ordered another one”
“I tried not to do it till 10…
But the patient is dusky and comatose
And probably won’t live until then.

Oh La La La De De Da
La La, De De Da Da Dum

Read us a film, You’re the X-Ray Man
Read us our film TONIGHT
‘Cause we’re all in the mood for a malady
And CT will make us alright

Paul is our CT Technologist
Who scans like he’s been there for days
And he’s talking with Davy whose CR’s are wavy
But they all pass QC anyway.
And the ward-clerk is practicing medicine
As the waiting-room slowly gets mean
Yes, they’re sharing a drink they call Thunderbird
Which does wonders for liver and spleen

It’s a really slow night for a Saturday,
I’m 63 studies behind
It takes more than my best
To read neck, head, and chest
And abdomen, pelvis, and spine

And the PACS system smokes like a chimney
And the Dictaphone squawks in my ear
And I sit in my chair and stare off in the air
And say, “Man, what am I doin’ here?”

Oh La La La De De Da
La La, De De Da Da Dum

Read us a film, You’re the X-Ray Man
Read us our film TONIGHT
‘Cause we’re all in the mood for a malady
And CT will make us alright