The Wizard of OS

If you're here, you no doubt know about my little problem with the Big Company and so forth. I never, ever dreamed that this average radiologist from the South could cause such an uproar with a lil' ol' blog. I'm still surprised anyone even reads the darn thing at all! But, you do, and I have received a great deal of support via e-mail, AuntMinnie thread, and even the odd phone call.

We didn't have to "go here" as the kids say. So many other companies, among them Afga, AMICAS, Sectra, Emageon, Intelerad, etc. have used my comments to make their products at least a little bit better. I guess someone in this other company in question didn't think I had the potential to do that for them. Oh, well....

To those who have supported and continue to read my stuff, know that neither I or my rather amateurish but still lovable blog plan on going away anytime soon. To those who don't like my postings or have a problem with them, I only ask that you e-mail me or call me if you have questions or want to talk about it. You can also post a comment to the offending paragraph.

The way this whole scenario unfolded hurt me and my family deeply, and could have been diffused with a little dialogue. I've changed my blog postings before, and won't hesitate to do it again if I am wrong or if my comments hurt someone personally. That said, if your product sucks or I take a stance you don't like, please deal with me directly. I'm a man and I can take it. Just don't do an end around me where I have to explain my actions to others or worry about my livelihood or those of my partners being threated as happened here. As my friend the PACSMan pointed out, that is a Chicken Little way of dealing with it (although I think he changed the word little to a more "excretionary" term instead). I'm hoping that the legacy of this tempest in a teapot will be the establishment of better dialogue between all of us whose job it is to care for our patients in the best manner possible.

The PACSMan also sent me this (complete with pictures) which brought a smile to my face for the first time in several days, and has given me permission to share it with you all. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did....

Mike said, "Oy gevalt, what have you done my friend !!! Do you realize how much this whole story resembles the Wizard of Oz? It’s uncanny. Use this to explain what has happened to your blog site readers. They will fill in the blanks themselves…"

THE WIZARD OF OS

Average radiologist Dalai Lama lives an average life in an average town in the South with a hyperactive Jack Russell terrier named Blogger, along with Aunt Minnie and three colorful farm hands, Hunk, Zeke, and Hickory. One day their stern neighbor, Miss Imagination, is bitten by Dalai’s dog, Blogger. Dalai senses that Miss Imagination will try to do something dreadful, but his aunt and uncle, as well as the farmhands, are too busy with their work to listen. Dalai yearns for a better place in the song Over the Ether(net). Miss Imagination shows up and takes Blogger away to be destroyed, by order of the sheriff, over the impassioned protests of Aunt Minnie and Uncle Henry. Blogger escapes and returns to Dalai, who is momentarily elated but soon realizes Miss Imagination will return, and extract even greater revenge. He decides to take Blogger and disappear.

The Wicked Witch of the West

As they flee, Dalai and Blogger encounter Professor Marvel, a lovable but fake fortune teller who, out of concern for Dalai, tricks him into believing Aunt Minnie is ill so Dalai will not run away from home. Dalai rushes back to the farm but is knocked unconscious, inside the house, by a sudden South Carolina twister that has already forced his family into the storm cellar behind the house.

A confused Dalai awakens to discover the house has been caught up in the twister. Through the bedroom window, he sees a parade of people fly by. Then he sees Miss Imagination, also caught in the tornado, and pedaling her bicycle in midair, transformed into a witch. Moments later the twister drops the house, Dalai and Blogger over the rainbow and into OS. Glinda, the Good Witch of the North arrives and informs Dalai they are in Munchkinland. She tells Dalai he has killed the Wicked Witch of the East by “dropping a house" on her.

Encouraged by Glinda, the timid Munchkins (played by representatives of the smaller PACS companies) come out of hiding and celebrate the demise of the witch singing "Ding, Dong, The Witch Is Dead" among other cheerful songs until her identical twin sister, the Wicked Witch of the West, appears to claim the powerful ruby keyboard. Glinda magically transports the keyboard into Dalai's hands and reminds the witch her power is ineffectual in Munchkinland. The witch vows revenge on Dalai and leaves the same way she arrived, in a blaze of fire and smoke. Glinda tells Dalai, who is anxious to return home, that the only way to get back to South Carolina is to ask the mysterious Wizard of OS in the Emerald City for help. Glinda advises Dalai to never lose the keyboard and to "follow the yellow brick road" to reach the Emerald City.

On his way Dalai befriends a Scarecrow with no PACS, a Tin Woodman with malfunctioning speech recognition, and a Cowardly Lion with no PET/CT. The three decide to accompany Dalai to the Wizard in hopes of obtaining their desires. Along the way they are plagued by a forest of angry IT personnel and several failed attempts by the witch to stop them. While they arrive at the Emerald City, they are interrupted by the Wicked Witch, who flies across the sky, writing, "Surrender Dalai". The group talks to the Wizard of OS, who says that he will consider granting their wishes if they can bring him the broom of the Wicked Witch. The group then departs for the witch's castle.


Dalai comforts the Cowardly Lion

On their way to the witch's castle, they are attacked by flying monkeys, who carry Dalai and Blogger away and deliver him to the witch, who demands the ruby keyboard. When Dalai refuses, the witch tries to remove it but is prevented by a shower of sparks. She realizes the keyboard cannot be hers as long as Dalai is alive and plots on how to destroy him without damaging the keyboard's spell. As the Witch is considering on how to kill Dalai, Blogger takes the opportunity to take escape from the Witch’s grasp with Dalai crying, "Run, Blogger, run!” Outraged, the Witch screams at the Monkey, "Catch him, you fool!" but Blogger manages to escape, much to Dalai’s relief. The Witch, furious, snarls to Dalai, "Which is more than what you will, my little pretty!!!" and runs over to a large hourglass filled with red-blood sand and turns it over, gleefully telling Dalai he will die when the hourglass empties. She puts the hourglass down and runs out of the chamber, locking Dalai inside. Sobbing, Dalai calls for Aunt Minnie, saying he is frightened. Aunt Minnie appears, and Dalai tries to tell her that he is trying to get home. The witch appears, mocking and laughing at Dalai. Meanwhile, Blogger manages to find the lion, the scarecrow, and the Tin Man and lead them to the castle where Dalai is awaiting his demise. Once inside they are barely able to free Dalai and attempt an escape. The witch and her Winkie soldiers corner the group on a parapet, where the witch sets the Scarecrow on fire. To douse the flames, Dalai throws water on them, and accidentally splashes water on the horrified witch, causing her to melt. To the group's surprise, the soldiers are delighted. Their captain gives Dalai the broomstick to thank him for their liberation from the witch. Upon their return, the wizard tells Dalai and his companions, "Go away and come back tomorrow!!" Thanks to Blogger, though, they discover the wizard is not really a wizard at all, just a man behind a curtain. They are outraged at the deception, but the wizard solves their wishes through common sense and a little double talk rather than magic.

The wizard explains that he too was born in South Carolina and his presence in OS was the result of an escaped hot air balloon. He promises to take Dalai home in the same balloon after leaving the Scarecrow, Tin Woodman and Lion in charge of Emerald City. Just before take off, Blogger jumps out of the balloon's basket after a cat. Dalai jumps out to catch Blogger and the wizard, unable to control the balloon, leaves without him. He is sadly resigned to spend the rest of his life in OS until Glinda appears and tells him he can use the ruby keyboard to return home with Blogger. Glinda explains she did not tell Dalai at first because she needed to learn "if you can't find your heart's desire in your own backyard, then you never really lost it to begin with." Dalai and Blogger say goodbye to their friends, and Dalai follows Glinda's instructions to "hit Ctrl-Alt-Delete and repeat the words, 'There's no place like home'." He awakens in his bedroom in South Carolina surrounded by family and friends and tells them of his journey. Everyone laughs and tells him it was all a bad dream. A happy Dalai, still convinced the journey was real, hugs Blogger and says, "There's no place like home."

When Dalai wakes up from his trip to OS, the issue with Blogger and Miss Imagination appears unresolved and are left to the audience to interpret.

THE END