Sunday, December 04, 2011

You Might Just Be An Occupier If...

You just might be an "Occupier"

(from this week's Jewish Press, NY, Dec 2 issue)
By Steven Plaut (from stevenplaut.blogspot.com)

Many of us are scratching our heads, and in some cases other parts of our anatomy, trying to make sense of the "Occupy Wall Street" movement and its sundry clones around the US and now around the world.

Just what do these urchins really want? What do they think and believe?

Well, we thought we would recruit Jeff Foxworthy to try to assist us. Most of you probably are familiar with the great American comedian from the Deep South. He is best known for his comedy shticks based on the refrain, "Then you just might be a redneck." For example, if you have 24 pickup trucks and none of them work, then you just might be a redneck. That sort of thing.

Well, it occurs to us that Jeff Foxworthy could really clean up if he altered his shtick slightly to comment on those "who just might be Wall Street Occupiers."

Here we go:

1. If you dismiss anything you dislike as "neo-liberalism," then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier. Never be tricked into attempting to define that nonsense term.

2. If you refuse to recognize the fact that every idea of Marx's was debunked over 160 years ago, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

3. If you wear Nike shoes, designer jeans, and carry your smart phone to the demonstrations against capitalism, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

4. If you think that REAL communism could really work but it just has never been tried or tested, you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

5. If you pretend that you have never heard that communism produces starvation and cannibalism, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

6. If you pretend you think the United States controls an empire, even though you cannot think of any colonies it owns, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

7. If you think other people must always be required to relinquish their material things so that you may pursue social justice and feel idealistic and righteous, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

8. If you consider your own property to be sacred, while other people's property should be used for social engineering and doing good, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

9. If you think it is the main purpose of universities to indoctrinate students in leftwing ideology, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

10. If you think shooting terrorists constitutes "war crimes," then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

11. If you favor academic departments in which only enlightened leftist opinion may be expressed and where there is no room for non-leftist dissenting opinion to be heard, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

12. If you believe that the only legitimate way for Israel to defend its citizens against terrorism is to capitulate to the demands of the terrorists, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

13. If you believe that eating meat is murder, while partial birth abortion is not, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

14. If you use the term Islamophobia often, but never use the term Islamofascism, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

15. If you believe that everything wrong with the world is because of the United States, and that anything left over that is wrong with the world is the fault of the Jews, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

16. If you think there is nothing useful to be learned from the fact that Cuba used to be the richest country in Latin America and today is the poorest country in Latin America, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

17. If you are not aware of the fact that Cubans steal boats to sneak into the US but no low-income Americans steal boats to sneak into Cuba, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

18. If you think there is nothing we can learn from comparing the histories of East Germany with West Germany before the unification, or North Korean with South Korea, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

19. If you think that all arguments may be settled by telling a non-leftist that he reminds you of Rush Limbaugh or Glenn Beck, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

20. If you claim that the fact that are proportionately more blacks in prison than whites proves that the courts and police are racist, but the fact that there are many more males in prison than females is because males commit more crimes, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

21. If you support proposals that make real problems of the world worse, just as long as advocating them makes you feel caring and righteous, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier..

22. If you think Israel is an apartheid regime, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

23. If you prefer that poor people in the Third World starve rather than that they should embrace capitalism and live like you do, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

24. If you believe that acts of violence against Jews or Americans are never terrorism but rather resistance, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

25. If you think the US itself caused the 9-11 attacks on itself because of American insensitivity and racism, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

26. If you believe that terrorism is caused by poverty, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

27. If you believe that SUVs threaten life on earth, and - more generally - that the planet is in imminent danger of destruction unless everyone does what you want them to do, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

28. If you assert passionately that Marxists care about people, while Conservatives hate all people and small animals and are not as smart as leftists, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

29. If you believe that, if one country is rich and another poor, it must be because the rich one stole wealth away from the poor one, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.

30. If you demand social justice but have no idea how to define what it means or explain how to achieve it, then you just might be a Wall
Street Occupier.

31. If you do not think you need to get a job first before you become a leader of the working class, then you just might be a Wall Street Occupier.
I couldn't have said it better myself!

3 comments:

A Doc 2 Be said...

Cheers!!!!

Every one of those, so true.

Melissa said...

Too funny. Thank you for posting this.

Anonymous said...

If you couldn't read past #3 because of shear outrage, you might be a Wall Street Occupier.